Have you ever wondered how to have a good relationship? Do you believe that it’s just a matter of dumb luck, or something that can be left to chance? Or do you suspect that there’s something you can actually do to ensure your success? These are big questions, possibly the biggest questions of all when it comes to this whole mysterious, wonderful business of men and women. If you haven’t thought about them, you should think about them, because the truth is, there are some very practical things you could and should be doing. This article will show you exactly how to have a good relationship, so that you never need to feel powerless again.
If you want to know how to have a good relationship, you first of all need to understand that men and women are fundamentally compatible, even if it doesn’t seem like it at times. We only seem to be poorly matched, because often we fail to appreciate the differences in our basic emotional and communication styles. Men and women have the same emotions and feelings, they just express them differently.
Generally speaking, men prefer to communicate through action, women prefer to communicate through words. Men need to understand that women need to talk about their emotions, and women need to understand that men handle their emotions by doing stuff. Once you understand that, it clears up a lot of misunderstanding.
The second essential ingredient in a good relationship is an accurate love map of your partner. In other words, you need to know each other’s likes, dislikes, interests and preferences, in such detail that if a stranger was to quiz you on your partner, you’d score 100%. You build up a love map by listening to and paying attention to your partner.
Thirdly, there is the need to treat your partner with respect. Some couples can barely disguise the contempt in their voice when they talk about each other. This is very toxic, and one of the major predictors of relationship breakdown. It doesn’t mean that you don’t argue – it would be very weird if you didn’t. But it does mean that your arguments are over specific instances of behavior, rather than savage personal attacks on each other as human beings.
Successful couples, those who end up celebrating the big anniversaries, also know how to set boundaries. There might be some serious differences of opinion, over religion or politics or whatever it might be, but successful couples know where the boundaries are and they never cross them.
Finally, the secret of a good relationship is the quality of time you have together. Remember the 5 to 1 ratio – that’s five positive experiences with each other for every negative experience. Aim for that, and you’ll know how to have a good relationship, because you’ll be living one.